Mr. Subliminal Wrote Romney’s CPAC Speech

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As Mitt “The Severe Conservative” Romney saw his coronation as the Republican candidate for President slipping away, he didn’t fire anyone – as we all know, he likes being able to fire people – instead, he hired someone.  According to an unnamed source, the decision was a no-brainer:

After seeing a video of his performance, Mitt knew that Mr. Subliminal was the only way he was going to convince the people at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) that he possessed the conservative credentials that his past record would seem to indicate he lacked.

Mr. Subliminal is so skilled at slipping suggestive words into conversation that he’s able to prompt people to give him what he wanted — a new job, more money, baseball tickets — while assuming that the idea was their own.

We saw it as the perfect solution to our liberal non-conservative problem.

Here’s a copy of the marketing video that convinced the Romney campaign to work with Mr. Subliminal.

While Mitt lacked the “subliminal-ism” that Mr. Subliminal possesses, he still was successful in using the word “conservative” or some variation 29 times. Here are a few of the favorites according to The Washington Post:

 “Now … is a time to reaffirm what it means to be conservative and why this must be our greatest hour as conservatives.”  (Hey, that was a two-fer.)

“We conservatives aren’t just proud to cling to our guns and to our religion.”

I know conservatism because I have lived conservatism.” (Ding-ding!)

Try not to laugh too hard at that last one.

For good measure, Mitt also used the word “America” or some variation 27 times. Well, that’s better than having him sing it.

 

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